Waiting for a Baby To Arrive and After

No, no. Not mine. My baby is out already and soon we will celebrate a year together. Many of my friends, though, have become first time moms now or are expecting a baby in next nine months. When I talk to them, it takes me back a year ago to these months preceding Helena's arrival.

The first three months were not very happy. They were downright miserable and sad, and it took me time to make a decision that enough crying was enough. When I listen to my friends and how happy they are in these first months, I feel jealous a bit... but also happy that they don't have to go through what I did. I feel happy that they have partners and families who stand next to them and I am happy that they will be taken care of. It's such a special time and going through it alone is not fun. So, I'm happy that they won't have to.

Certainly, being pregnant alone didn't kill me. Helena was born healthy and beautiful. I survived the labor. Happy ending. I will never forget, though. And I think I will never really forgive. 

No, I'm sure my expecting friends are reading tons about becoming a parent. Please, stop. Now. From what I remember - becoming a parent these days is being presented as a massive disaster, actually. I really hate it! 

Yes, it is difficult, sure. Yes, you will not sleep for a while and you will be tired but it's not the end of the world if you have a partner to help you or anybody to help you, really. 

No, you don't have to take your child to the bathroom with you, as some suggest because you can't put it down. Put it down. It will cry, it will cry. It doesn't kill. You have to address your own needs as well and your child has to learn that you are not a slave to anyone. Helena, my daughter, is being reminded of it daily. When I get ready for work, I put her in her cot and I tell her that now she will have to stay with herself because I have to take a shower and get ready. Initially she protested, of course. But I gently remind her that I need showers and I need to get ready so she has to suck it up. And she does. Now, she will scream sometimes but mostly she has accepted that her staying by herself and me showering is a part of the routine. The bathroom door is open, she sees me, we talk but I shower as long as I want and she waits for me.

I read somewhere that there is no time for cooking and I should be prepared for ordering takeaways all the time. No, no, and no!!! I cook all the time. I cook for three days sometimes, in big batches but I cook and a takeaway apprears very rarely on my table. The nanny helps, sure. When Olivier was here, it was even easier since he is a great chef and our dinner were fantastic. But even when I am alone, again, I put Helena away and I tell her that it's time for me to prepare food and I need this time because I need to be healthy. She screamed maybe sometimes, and sometimes I have to pick her up and stop chopping up veggies but I put her donw, and go back to cooking and she knows that it's important. I'm nobodys's slave.

The same goes for working out. I come back from work, I work full time and with lots of guilt, yes, but I put on my running shoes and I go for a run. I tell Helena that it's important and that after I will have all the time for her. The Nanny leaves at 5 so around this time I have to be done with everything for the day if I want to be with Helena for another two hours before she goes to sleep.

Also, you don't have to wear your yoga pants all the time. Kids will wait for you to change your clothes and if not, then it means that you taught them otherwise. If they cry when you do your things, let them cry. They will get used to it eventually. I think.

I tell Helena that my needs are as important as hers and if I'm happy, she will be happy too. It's like on the plane, right? I can only help her when my oxygen mask is on.

So, my friends, don't worry. You will be fine. Life will be different and hectic but you can manage. Especially when you are on a maternity leave and with the help you will be getting from your partners and families.

And for now, now just relax and enjoy this special time waiting for your special baby, she or he will be in your arms sooner than you expect.

 

Breatsfeeding

Helena took to breastfeeding like fish to water. The first time she was brought to me still in hospital's nursery, she latched on perfectly and tried to extract as little milk as I had at that time. After this first experience, I had no doubts or hesitations about giving a boob to my little one. A week earlier I would express reservations towards the idea saying that it's weird but... This Little Girl at that moment in hospital made me want to turn into a cow. I pictured growing big fat udders and never having to worry that Helena will not have food to eat.

Everybody that could got involved into boosting my lactation. I searched the internet to fond natural ways of increasing the milk supply and soon I went on the diet of oats, carrots, bok choy, soups of different kind and anything else I could think of and others could think of to help me with feeding Helena. I changed coffee for ginger  and fennel teas, and I intake gallons of warm water. My blood has no hemoglobin any more: it's just warm water, ginger and fennel. 

I was still unsure however how all this lactation diet would go and if I would be able to produce a good milk supply (I read how women struggle with it). We went through a horrid night when I tried to feed Helena and I wasn't able - my breast didn't yet produce enough. She tried and tried, suckeld and suckled and was so patient with me but even Helena reached her limits and started to cry. I made a bottle with formula but she wouldn't take it. Helena hates both bottles and formula and I don't blame her - I don't like myself the idea of giving her synthetic substances when  I can produce something more valuable and natural. That night however, even Helena gave up, and after numerous trials and many hours of suckling she took a bottle and drank the whole 2oz of formula milk, after which went to sleep and slept like an angel. After that night I was in a state of panic thinking that it might me possible I will not be able to breastfeed my Little One and I felt quite sad about it. The Universe didn't wait long, though to give me a solution to my problem. The Universe sent me a wonderful woman, my lovable neighbor, a mother of 18 month old girl. They breastfeed and have enough to share, to which my neighbor agreed when I told her about my milk-distress. So now, I could relax, in case her mother wasn't able to feed her, she will be getting natural food anyway - not from me but from another wonderful woman who agreed to help us. Ask the Universe and it will provide. We are secure with the milk supplies.

Since that nigh, I've been able to feed Helena no problem. It doesn't look like my supply is huge but it's enough for my daughter and allows to have those wonderful moments when I put her to my breast and she suckles and suckles until she passes out happily drank on mom's milk.

This is what my life has come to. :-)

31 weeks

I have no idea where the time is going. I think somebody is cheating here. It was just yesterday when I did the test in the cinema toilet (never finished the movie), it was maybe two days ago when I was boarding the plane to Paris and not longer than three days ago I came back from the French capital. No?

And here we are - 31 weeks in the making after another visit at the doctor's. 

We are getting bigger, we are healthy and kicking. She is kicking from the inside, still gently. I'm kicking at the gym. We are both doing fine and hopefully that's going to stay till the very end. 

I was a bit disappointed that she wouldn't let me to see her better today. She sleeps a lot during the day and today was not exception. Please God, let her stay like this! In my family we all loves sleeping as kids - maybe it's hereditary. I shook my belly few times but she just ignored me - here we go. I didn't see her face but I saw the foot. A beautiful little foot of a 1550g human being inside me. She is growing now really fast - by the time she comes out she will be about double the size she is now. What? Where? How? I better apply this stretch marks lotion really generously. 

I'm trying to get organized a bit before she arrives. I got the whole wardrobe from  friends in Thailand and friends around the world. So I'm now washing and folding all these wonderful little pieces of garment. My Little girl will be the best dressed infant in the entire world. I cannot express how grateful I am for all these goodies which allowed me to save thousands of baht. I know they are only things but to me they are expression of people's love and I feel showerd with this love. The love was taken away from me from one source but it was fund somewhere else. It's enough for me for now. I hope she also feels that she is loved and expected by her global family. 

I'm also in the process of collecting bears and toys for her from people from around the world since she is already such a citizen of the word. She has some friends waiting for her from: Afghanistan, South Africa, Bangladesh, Bali, Vietnam, Hong-Kong, the UK, Poland. We are waiting for a toy guest from Japan, Canada, the US, Guatemala and Russia - hopefully.  All that so that she feels that she will be looked after not only by me but also by all those uncles and aunties from around the world. 

I start a two week holiday on Friday. No alarm clocks for two weeks! Gym, pool, maybe beach. My last solo holiday for a long time.

Soon there will be a baby shower...

Then the school starts again.

Then September comes and on the 17th I should see my daughter after having pushed her out into the world. 

Science- fiction.
 

Miss Ania But You Don't Have a Husband!!!

The day had come and I had to tell my students about the Baby in the belly. I'm getting bigger, parents are bringing me baby things and my students are not blind to all this. On top of that, on Friday at lunchtime one of the girls casually asked if it was true that there is a baby in my belly. I said that it was to which I heard: cool. And the conversation ended there. I was very impress with this girl's manners. No pushing, no further questions. She just asked me later if I knew if it was a girl or a boy and  I told her that I would tell her on Tuesday when I find out myself. Finished. I was super surprised that she didn't share her knowledge with anyone else, at least there wasn't any sudden eruption of questions and speculations.

Today morning I spoke to the parents as always in the morning and we talked about the Baby in front of the kids and I knew that the time had come. So I sat down and calmly told them that there is a little girl living in my belly. Few of them were surprised. Some of them had already known. obviously - again - very tactful not to spread any gossip before information was confirmed. Clever kids! 

The baby news was an easy one to digest. But then the other issue arose: Miss Ania but you don't have a husband. No, I don't. Silence. But you need a husband to have a baby. No, not a husband necessary and I was really scared that they will ask for more clarification. Instead the comment was: "That is so weird." Oh yes, that is so weird indeed. I wondered later if they know how babies get to the belly. They surely know that there are two people involved but I'm curious if they think that a dad puts a baby into mom??? I didn't dare to ask. I said: it was a miracle - or something like this... That's where the talk ended. We moved onto a more burning issue: an earthquake in Nepal and other global issues.

At least this conversation is behind me. In a few years time I will have another one with the Little Girl who will certainly ask me one day about her dad. I'm already playing in my head different versions of the answer and I still don't know what I'll say. Surely, she will not be satisfied with a brief, laconic answer so I better come up with something not very hurtful but genuine and truthful. Before that happens, however, I still have some time to think.