After Suicide

This is a message to anybody who has lost somebody to suicide, who is mourining after the death of a close relative and would like to know how to go about the process. This message is also for those who  know somebody who is struggling at the moment after the suicide in the family and would like to help to relief the pain but don't know how.

I experienced this after suicide darkness first hand in my closest family not that long time ago. I know what it's like to be faced with something that is bigger than anything else you have encountered in life. I know what it means to feel guilty and go through what ifs and whys. I know the pain and the struggle with them. I know and I understand. I know the fear. The fear about your own sanity, I know the fear of being judged and rejected by the society. The topic of suicide isn't often discussed in open and more often than not, people are left alone with their pains and broken hearts.

I don't claim that I have answers to all questions but I certainly have some suggestions about how to get helped and how to go through the time in your life that seems like the world's worst hell.

What is even more important, I have a message for everybody. A good and a positive message: YOU CAN GO BACK TO LIFE AFTER SUCH A LOSS.  Losing a family member or a close friend to suicide doesn't mean the world has come to the end and your life has stopped. It means that you have stayed and have a choice of either fall into despair or fight for yourself. From day one, I have chosen to fight and I'm still chosing it. I knew that I have to face this monster and tame it. Because you CAN!!!

I know how important it is to have understanding people around when going through the process of mourning, especially after a suicidal, unexpected, vilolent death. The death which is different from other deaths. Your family can be of help, but they are mourning themselves and healing their woudns so it's better to look for a conversation among people who have already done some mourning work and who can relate.  It is crucial to meet/connect with such people so that  you don't feel alone and isolated. Certainly it's difficult to talk about it but you will have to. After a while you will realize that you are not isolated and there are  MANY people out there who have been through a similar patch in life and who have survived and are doing well.Even for a second don't allow yourself to think you are alone in your pain. We, the Survivors, are with you. I am with you.

The pain stays forever but you can learn how to live with it and how to live to the fullest. It is entirely up to you and how you will approach the problem. I have decided to fight for myself!

If you need to talk about your loss and would like to know what to do to get better or if you know somebody who is struggilng at the moment, tell them to write to me. I will share my story and I will try to help.

My email address is:

Joel Osteen

A very good friend of mine, a very important person in my life now told me about Joel Osteen three days ago. I had never heard of the man. I opened a Youtube link and started watching. And I watched three minutes and in these three minutes I formulated some strong opinions about Joel Osteen. Negative ones. I saw this large congregation od thousands of people listening to this minister who looked like taken out from the cover of Success magazine, a business person rather than a pastor. And these thounsands of people gathered: I thought, these masses who need somebody to tell them what to do. I listened more: the preaching of success, with God involed in it. Yes, you can! God loves you! Blah, blah, blah... I thought. And I didn't like the seeing the Bible and all this talk about Jesus and how he's there to save me, and help me, and do everything for me if I only will admit that he is my Lord. Ohhhh, maybe in next life will I do that, I thought. And then I thought that for sure Joel Osteen doesn't preach for free and surely he must be earning quite a penny running this church business and I wanted to convince myslef that he cannot be genuine in his ceremons. All these thoughts appeared in the duration of three to five minutes. I found a documentary about the Lakewood church in whci h they criticize Osteen and his teachings and I thought I was ready to tell my good freind: yes, yes... all good with this Joel guy but this, but that and this is not good, that is not good. I was ready to be smart, smart in my own eyes.

Today something changed. First of all I remembered what I did when the time was really rough last year - I prayed. A lot actally. And maybe I didn't pray to Jesus but nevertheless I prayed to something bigger than me and sked for it's help. I used words god, I remember and I also recall that my prayers gave me relief. I pray to an unnamed god, Osteen prays to Jesus. Effectively we both do the same. I thought: actually I don't care who is his god because that's not important at all. The important message is what Osteen says.

When it comes to his looks - yes, he has a big Hollywood smile. What's wrong with that?  His suits are  probably exopensive but his shopping decisions are none of my business after all. His wife is blond and looks like a doll but that also should not bother me. And that he makes money out of his church, which I don't know if is true, well, a man has to live. None of my business. My only business is to decide if I'm taking what he says and what I'll do with it.

If someone is interested here is a link to a very good cermon.