Oh, what a wonderful time it's been!!! I loved every second of it, even if some tears were involed.
And Helena! My little Helena who has proved to be such a great holiday company. It was our first trip and I already know that with this girl we will be able to travel the world far and wide: no problem in a plane, one her best behaviour on a hotel, no worries, no issues just smiles and lot of love for her parents. She made new friends at the reception and people in restaurants, and on the beach - everybody loves little Helena for she is such a jolly and happy person. We had fun in the pool, fun on the beach, fun in the hotel room - fun, fun, fun.
We met some family and that was super fun to spent out Xmas with them. It felt like home for a second.
We came back home and welcomed 2016 with a lot of hope for a better year filled with new projects and adventures. I don't know exactly what the future holds for us but I can only hope that our future will be good and always guided by love to Helena and love in general.
Unfortunately, the hloiday is over - the wonderful three weeks with two very important people. A great time together -no rush, bo deadlines, no other commitments but being with each other.
Till the next one in February. It'll be different and alone with Helena but I'm planning to spend it happily. I won't think too much of the fact that O. is going to Vietnam with someone else. I have a far greater company - my little Helena. Of course, I'll be thinking of him going and I also know that it'll be painful but I can't do anything about his choices. He has his priorities and needs and I can only try snd make peace with that. I don't like it but obsessing about it is not good for me and Helena as well. So go, go. We will have a great time here together.
Last weekend of this holiday.
Two more carefree days with my Little One. Two more mornings when we can cuddle and slumber for a long as we want. Two more long breakfasts. Two.more days when everything goes slow and according to our rythm. Oh, this I will miss. Two more days only for Helenka.
I am certainly not perfect and though that is perfectly ok and though I am trying to work on myself daily, there are still things that need to be changed to make my life and lives of thise around me easier and less stressful.
I have collected thousands of things and got lost among them. It's official. I won't even pretend that it's othewise any more. I It's a mess!!!
I came to Thailand with two suitcases and when I look around now... it would take a van to move me around. A van or a small truck. Things, things, things everywhere things. And I guess it would be fine that things are there but I've lost control over them.
In this pile of disorganised things, I lost a very important document. Got me to tears yesterday, kicked me on my ass and made me rethink myself a bit. So, I have a resolution for the coming weeks and months, and years: to free some space and energy by getting better organized so that I don't have to cry and stress out any more. I feel horrible about losing this thing, embarrassed. Momenrs before, I tried to prove that oh, I know where everything is and please get off me. And then boom!!! I don't know where is one of the most important things. Bravo! In the fit I just wanted to get rid of everything and be only surrounded by the four walls.
So, freeing space and decluttering are my goals for the weekend. I will need a Hercules to help me.
I love, I love, I love.
I love her so much that it's beyond my own understanding. I love everything about her: absolutely everything.
I love when she wakes up with a big smile.
I love when she looks at me with so much trust.
I love when she snuggles when I feed her.
I love when she falls asleep in my arms, which at times, are the only place she wants to be. I love.
I love watching how she discovers things.
I love watching when she is figuring out the world around.
I love when she gets frustrated but eventually succeeds.
Four months ago I pushed this Little Girl into the world. In my wildest dreams I hadn't expected she'll be such a miracle and such a bundle of joy.
In my wildest dreams I hadn't anticipated tgat my feelings for her will be so strong. These are feelings of joy that travel through my whole body. These are feelings similar to thise when sratring a new journey: excitement, joy, hope.
And she gives me so much of them all.
Yes, it's hard sometimes. I miss sleeping though the night and sleeping in but... when Helena wakes me up in the morning and smikes at me... my own sleep is not so much important any more.
My petit Helena. My princess. Moja kapustka. My little frog, little mouse, little ladybird... My wonderful daughter.
I love her.