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30.09.2015

Helena's 30 Days

She eats, burps, sleeps, occasionally fusses, smiles in her sleep, pees, poops also in her sleep. And like this for last 30 days.

I love it.
I love Her.

I'm surviving.
Yay!!!

23.09.2015

Breatsfeeding

Helena took to breastfeeding like fish to water. The first time she was brought to me still in hospital's nursery, she latched on perfectly and tried to extract as little milk as I had at that time. After this first experience, I had no doubts or hesitations about giving a boob to my little one. A week earlier I would express reservations towards the idea saying that it's weird but... This Little Girl at that moment in hospital made me want to turn into a cow. I pictured growing big fat udders and never having to worry that Helena will not have food to eat.

Everybody that could got involved into boosting my lactation. I searched the internet to fond natural ways of increasing the milk supply and soon I went on the diet of oats, carrots, bok choy, soups of different kind and anything else I could think of and others could think of to help me with feeding Helena. I changed coffee for ginger  and fennel teas, and I intake gallons of warm water. My blood has no hemoglobin any more: it's just warm water, ginger and fennel. 

I was still unsure however how all this lactation diet would go and if I would be able to produce a good milk supply (I read how women struggle with it). We went through a horrid night when I tried to feed Helena and I wasn't able - my breast didn't yet produce enough. She tried and tried, suckeld and suckled and was so patient with me but even Helena reached her limits and started to cry. I made a bottle with formula but she wouldn't take it. Helena hates both bottles and formula and I don't blame her - I don't like myself the idea of giving her synthetic substances when  I can produce something more valuable and natural. That night however, even Helena gave up, and after numerous trials and many hours of suckling she took a bottle and drank the whole 2oz of formula milk, after which went to sleep and slept like an angel. After that night I was in a state of panic thinking that it might me possible I will not be able to breastfeed my Little One and I felt quite sad about it. The Universe didn't wait long, though to give me a solution to my problem. The Universe sent me a wonderful woman, my lovable neighbor, a mother of 18 month old girl. They breastfeed and have enough to share, to which my neighbor agreed when I told her about my milk-distress. So now, I could relax, in case her mother wasn't able to feed her, she will be getting natural food anyway - not from me but from another wonderful woman who agreed to help us. Ask the Universe and it will provide. We are secure with the milk supplies.

Since that nigh, I've been able to feed Helena no problem. It doesn't look like my supply is huge but it's enough for my daughter and allows to have those wonderful moments when I put her to my breast and she suckles and suckles until she passes out happily drank on mom's milk.

This is what my life has come to. :-)





15.09.2015

Fifteen Days of Love

Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love. Eat, sleep, burp, cuddle, kiss, change the nappy, give a bath, love, love, love.

Fifteen days of love with Helena.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Fifteen days of unconditional love to this Little Girl. 
It feels fantastic! They are the precious moments I will remember for the rest of my life. No matter what will happen in the future.  And since I don't know what will happen, and little do I care about what happened, the most important now is NOW. Now is great! Now Helena is healthy, I'm healthy, me breasts are full of milk I can feed my child, we have a place to stay, we have loving friends and family around. Now is great. And I'm thankful for now. Nothing else matters. 


08.09.2015

Back Home

My child is not yellow any more and she was released to go home. She is beautiful and pink now and looks like a litle piglet. I absolutely love it. 

This is not the end of the hospital visits yet. The pediatrician  told me that he hears some murmurs in her heart and Helena has to see a cardiologist to be diagnosed. The word 'hole' in the heart was pronounced and the ground shook under my feet. Why?! Where?! How?! My Helena?! So we are seeing the specialist on the 4th of October. Until then I was told not to panic and observe her and her breath. The doctor told me it wasn't an emergency and a head nurse comforted me that some kids get rid of it by themselves. Still, the image of my little girl suffering from anything is a horrible one. But, no panic, I was told. I will keep panic for when there is a real reason for it. Now, we just have to wait.

With all this happening, I realize yet one more time that moments are precious. Nothing can be taken for granted. Every single day appreciated and contemplated. No complaints until there are real reasons to complain and even then, actions and looking for solutions if possible. No complaints but joy and gratitude.

I'm so happy Helena is home with me. I can't be happier to be around her. She's my mission now, my love and my commitment and I will do everything and anything so that she is happy and safe.




05.09.2015

This and That

Helena refuses to suck on anything else but my breast which made me enter the path of an extreme transformation - for this little girls I want to turn into a cow with big, heavy udders she can suck on without supply restrictions. I'm still not there yet but the production has improved and now Helena doesn't have to worry she will go hungry and angry (she rejected the formula, even the most expensive one). In practical terms, increasing the milk production means regular pumping, drinking gallons of ginger tea, giving myself many hot breast massages, drinking weird Thai herbs and relaxing in hope that all this will give my Helena the food she wants.

A week ago I have a conversation with a neighbour of mine about the breastfeeding in which I expressed my reservations towards the idea of putting my nipple into an infant's mouth. Little did I know that a week later it will become my mission to do it as long as I can. Breastfeeding is great! It really is! It is time consuming and a bit stressful when the milk is not abundant but it is also a very rewarding experience. But one has to go through it to understand, I guess. I had to. 

Oh, this Little Girl. I've never seen anything as beautiful in my life. When she sleeps, I could spend hours just looking at her and her face that changes expressions. Her smile,, when it accidentally happens is something to die for and I can't wait for her to be big enough to make the world even more a beautiful place with it. Her little toes and little fingers are adorable, the way she smells... everything is just intoxicating!!! I could spend the whole day kissing her all over. 

I'm having the best time of my life here with Helena at home. 

03.09.2015

Helena Anna

Helena Anna was born on the 1st of September 2015 in the Vibharam Hospital in Bangkok. We are both doing good and we are at home already.

What a journey it was! I went to hospital on Tuesday and wasn't really sure if I wanted to do it on that day. After all Helena was supposed to be born on the 17th and I didn't know if it was a right thing to bring her here earlier. But I decided to trust the doctor and follow her advice.

They plugged me in the IV at noon and freaked me out like hell because we lost Helena's pulse. The nurses shouted something to each other, I didn't understand what... just the thought that I could loose her was so painful that for the rest of the tme in the labor room I kept asking about her heart rate. All was good.

Then the real pain started. It was something nobody could have prepared me. Long story short, for an hour I was somewhere else and I was somebody else. In the delivery room it was even worse - to the point that I wasn't all that sure any more that I could make it. Thank God I had Maggie with me who was the best cheerleader ever. She held my hand all this time and made me believe that it all be ok. The final push took me to the other orbit and it was over.

All went quiet and I saw Helena.

Suddenly nothing else mattered and all the pain was gone.

It was only Helena and I in this room and I couldn not have been happier.

On the 1st of September I've started my new life with the most beautiful, gracious and patient girl in the world. I want to tell the whole world about her and how in a split of a second she became my centre of the Universe.