I feel like the time has accelerated these days and days are blending one with another. That might be the shortest nine months of my life.
We've made it through about 180 days already. It's been a very turbulent time but things are looking up for us and I'm getting more and more comfortable with the thought that I will be a mom. Sure, I still have no idea what the future holds but as long as we are both healthy, I believe everything is possible. I have lots of support from people from all over the place and I support myself as well.
We are entering the third trimester today. I'm going to see the doctor today and see Her as well. I haven't chosen the name yet and it seems like such a difficult task. There are thousands of those names that I like and I'm lost in them. Perhaps, I will know what to call her once she is out.
As the labor date approaches, I'm getting more and more anxious about it. Soon I will have a meeting with a doula who lives in Bangkok and who kindly offered me her help in introducing me to the labor proceedings. It's scary. Words like dilation are new to me, they sound quite scary , unfamiliar and quite painful. I take some comfort in thinking that so many women before me have done it and survived but I'm not sure if I fully understand what is going to happen and how it's going to hurt. Oh well, soon enough I will know.
I still have three moths to go. Three months of a mental and physical preparation. Mentally, I'm coaching myself in thinking that things will work out - I have resources, I have myself and good people around me - a necessary combination of things. I want to make it happen for her and for myself. My life doesn't finish in September - it's a new opening. Physically, I train and exercise as much as possible. Thankfully, my body feels fit and strong, and I really hope it will stay like this till the very day of the delivery. I'm very consistent with my food and diet, which makes my very proud of myself. I know how to look after myself, I know what I need and hopefully I will know what my daughter will need in physically and mentally.
And it's all going to materialize in three months. 90 days. Bring it on!!!
It's absolutely incredible thinking that there is another person living inside me. She is already a person who now needs some time and space to grow. She is already programmed in many ways, it's already determined, for example, how many ovaries she will produce in her life time. AMAZING!
She is getting stronger and more mobile each day. Yesterday, for the first time, she moves so much that actually my belly moved with her movements. They are not very potent moves but already visible. She is climbing my uterus walls. I just thin how uncomfortable it must be there in this cavity full of liquid, dark... brrrr. Coming out will be truly a liberating experience. She will be finally able to stretch her little limbs and move around. I'm sure I'm presenting my very limited perspective on being there - too bad she will never be able to tell me how it was and if she actually liked residing in me. Be my guest! Well, it's a Polish custom to be hospitable and so I try to host her as well as I can. I give her good food, I serve her music in a variety of languages, we are learning new things each day about the world and about each other. Too bad she will not remember these things. I will. And the Internet will and people who have been with us all this time.
She, she, she... She is her separate internal life. Incredible.