From Bangkok

It's been already a week since my last day at school. The time is flying so I'm enjoying each day with my little one. We play, we sing, we talk, we laugh and smile, we watch Peppa the Pig, and we go swimming. There's no time to be bored. 

With all this I'm assisted by Helena's nanny - Ms. Vivien who is an angel and makes my life here with Helena possible. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be able to work! I cringed one day when she said that she might be going back to the Philippines and never come back. I told her than I will be on my knees begging her not to do so. She is so good. I wish I could pay her more because she surely is worth more than I can give her (I hope she won't find somebody who will give her more and go - Helena loves her so much already...). But I can't pay more since I'm doing it all my myself. Ms Vivien knows that we are on one salary and says that she's not going anywhere. For now.

Myself I'm annoyed that Helena's father has left me like this. No more about this, I'm annoyed and I'm wondering what to do with it all. Fucking court will decide... I can't get over it. Maybe the court should decide about other things as well then...  When I tried to talk about it - I got impolitely ignored. All this can be put this way: encore le mots, tojour de mots, le meme mots, rien que de mots!!! 

Luckily Helena is healthy, happy and smiley.  If anyone is missing something is surely not me. I can get by on every little I have and Helena will have to get by with me. She doesn't care for now and I'm doing everything I can to make her happy and safe, and to be prepared for emergencies. So much I can do alone. 

On a different note: on the 22nd of May I'm running a half marathon and I'm dedicating in to my mom, Helena and myself. I hope that I will never run out of steam in life and that I will be able to face no matter what the future holds.Running long distances in like living life: you need a lot of determination and dedication to finish the race. You need to practice and commit, and there are no shortcuts. Sounds like raising a child as well. 

It's not all easy and I would like to be better supported by the other side but I've decided not to despair and try to make the most of whatever little I have. And maybe I should also stop saying that it's little: I have a roof over my head, food on my table, my daughter is healthy and I'm healthy, I have secured a job for next two years... possibly it's not that little. It's all I have now and it has to be enough.

So now, enough of this writing and off I go to play with teddy bears.