I left Poland in 2007. It was a beautiful day in July. My backpack was packed, my head was filled with dreams. I'd wanted to go so, so much and finally I was! I was going backpacking. I was going to Asia. I was running away, though I didn't call it this at that time.
It was in the morning that I my dad took me to the train station. I said good-bye to my family the day before - we had a lovely get together at the back yard. The last person to see me off was my Mom. She was so worried! She was so worried that her only daughter, her apple in the eye will get hurt. She was worried that something will happen to me. She was scared that I will never come back. She was right. I never did.But she knew. She knew that she had to let me go and that it was my journey. It was painful for her but she never had tried to stop me. She never had argued my decision. She let me choose.
We were saying those good-byes at the steps of my family house. She hugged me tight and whispered into my ear: 'Good luck, and you know, Ania, deep deep inside I envy you. Go and do something I never could do." We both cried. My mom's dream was that I came back. I never did.
My term in Asia is coming to end now. I'm going back to Europe and soon as well.
After months of debating what to do and how to make things work between the three of us, we decided to settle down in France, on the Cote d'Azure, in Provence. We are going to try to make this family work, though it's going to be a lot of work considering the history behind us. I am trying to leave the past in the past but I also remember about what happened to me and how I was treated. I want to remember about that so it never happens again and if it does, I know what to do. I want my daughter to be raised by a happy mother - something that I have been able to achieve by myself here in Bangkok. I want my daughter to be raised by a father who sees her on regular basis and not from time to time, on a computer screen, the father who will be able to give her the energy I will never be able to. I want a partner who will support me and take care of me so that I can support and take care of him. I think we have some potential but I'm also realistic.
In less than two weeks Helena, Olivier and I will start a new chapter in our lives back in Europe.