Lessons in Self-Love

'You have to love yourself', she said. Oh my God!, I thought and rolled my eyes. We were sitting in Starbucks on College and Euclid. I have just met Abbey. Abbey is a therapist. It was our first meeting. I expected something more than a person telling me to love myself. I cringed. I cringed and I was swallowing my tears at the same time so desolate and desperate I felt. Desperate for a change and directions that I would do everything and anything to stop feeling the way I felt. I wanted to solve problems, I wanted work on things, I wanted a formula for a good relationship with a male human being and there she was telling me that all I had  to do was to establish loving and carrying relationship with MYSELF. The rest would follow, she suggested.

This is what I have learnt about self-love:

1. It's looking after myself physically and mentally.

2. It's being gentle with myself.

3. It's making sure that I tells the truth which belongs to me without the fear of being rejected.

4. It's being aware of my capacities and limitations. 

5. It's a constant dialogue with myself and checking where I am with myself and other humans.

6. It's making sure that I take the ownership of my life. 

7. It has nothing to do with being arrogant and self-centred.

8. It's nothing to do with sacrificing  myself in order to make others happy.

9. It's allowing myself to be. 

10. It's a path, it's a challenge, it's a process. It's hard work.

When talking to a friend few days ago I said that I feel I have finally realized that there won't be anyone to rescue me and that I am the only person who can really influence my life. I am the engine. S. said that it seems to him that everybody really carries this fantasy of a savior or a good god-mother equipped with an array of magic spells to help us out. A normal human thing. We concluded that indeed we don't get saved by anyone but we do get and meet people on our way who help us out. People who we encounter to teach us something when we are ready to receive a lesson. (If we are not ready the lesson will come back to us again and again, and again. In the next life as well, won't it, Shirley?) 

And so I met women and a Man who gave me examples of how to love oneself and live by this principle.