Sometimes I think, however, that it wasn't such a great idea. Especially when I look at my own broken relationship with my unpresent father. Did I have a right to bring her here without making sure that the man who is her dad will look after her and be there for her?
I know how it hurts to long for this man's presence and not getting it. It creates the void in soul impossible to fill with anything.
Even time is not a healer and when I think that I'm though this process o acceptance that my father considers alcohol his best friend, it hits me back and I feel so terribly sad and hellishly angry. Oh yes, anger is what I'm feeling this very moment. At him. At this man who promised to be there for me and hasn't even called me once during all this time I've been pregnant. I'm livid. I'm hurt. I hate men. Not only this one particular on but today I hate most of them. Maybe it'll change tomorrow but today I hold the collectively responsible for being assholes. Starting with my father, ending with Her father. Today I have no understanding and forgiveness for their behaviour - leaving women when they need them and have it all in their disregard. I need to vent somewhere and I can't be all zen about these things. I don't want to be zen.
Abandoning your child is not fair. It's super weak and pathetic. And men who do it are weak and pathetic in my eyes today.
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