It was quite an emotional afternoon for me today. The IB workshop finished - for me it was the last one for a while. Of course, not the last one ever... hopefully though I have these thoughts that some things will never happen to me again. Those are voices that attack me saying: oh, you'll never be able to go to the cinema by yourself again, you'll never be able to read a book in peace, and the list goed on and on. It takes work to dismiss these voices and at times they do become overwhelming.
They overwhelmed me today. They started working on me last night with the anxiety on labor pain and finally reduced me to tears when I was asked to write a letter to myself which I'll be allowed to read in a year time.
As I was in the classroom with other people I struggled with holding my tears back, could not any more when I left school.
When I was writing this letter it sruck me yet another time how dramatically my life is going to change. I keep in mind that the change will be possibly good but I'm scared nevertheless. Scared that I'll loose what I've been working on for such a long. Scared that my IB journey will come to an end before it really has taken off properly. Scared that I won't be able to make these things happen. Today, sitting still was not working. Tears become the only relief.
So I sat and cried.
And when I stopped, I felt much better, lighter. I remembered that I don't need to have all the answers today, that all will happen at its time when it's supposed to happen.