Mom

It was four years ago when I received this horrible phone call. She was gone, she made her final decision. The pain after a close one takes ones life is immense. I can't explain it or compare it to anything else. I was on the floor half-conscious, in tears, feeling that with her going, part of me died. And it did. It died in pain, it died in tears. On the floor. At the same time, however, in all this pain and despair, I was born again. In all that what was left of me, I managed to make a decision that my mom's deaths will not come in vain and I would honor her by becoming a better person, by trying living my life against all odds. I made that decision then and I've had to repeat it twice more - recelntly when I found out that I would have Helena. I decided that no matter what life throws at me, I will endure and walk forwards. Since the 1st of September I've been walking with my little daughter: walking calmly, gracefully, humbly but with my head up high. 

I miss Mom. I miss her every day. I will never stop. I know, though, that her spirit is with us and she lives through us: through me and Helena. I know that she huards us and sends light to us. I know that she is happy seeing me and Helena. That is all that matters.

My mom was and amazing person and I only hope that in her next life she will be happier and that she will never have to experience pain she experienced in this life.