The Pill

I was supposed to take a pill to start shrinking of my uterus at 10 pm. I was alone in my hotel room, the most depressing hotel in the whole city: damp and cold, in a room of a size of a matchbox. The 4th floor. Beneath me - Paris, the city of love. Inside me - emptiness, sadness and despair. How ironic!

The day before I went to the hospital again to take whatever documents they had for me. Asked about my plans, I said that I didn't know. I was assured that it was ok to change their mind. The nurse just asked me to give them a call. I never did. 

The pill was in an envelope. I opened an envelope and put the medicine on my palm, and stared at it. No answers were written on it. Nothing. My head was spinning from tiredness and from being eight weeks pregnant. 10 o'clock was approaching quickly. The next day I was scheduled to go the the doctor, have a quick procedure, stay in Paris for few more days for a follow up visit and then jump the plane and forget about the whole issue. I started at the pill. I couldn't do it. I could not do it. There must have been somebody with me in this room to force this pill down my throat... I could not do it myself. The pill ended up in the toilet. I watched it disappearing down the drain... That was the beginning. That was when Helena was decided to be.  

"Did you take the pill?", he demanded.

"No, I didn't." 

 Seven months later I gave a birth to  little Helena.