Mother and Daughter Part 1

I keep thinking about this whole business of bringing up a human child and the more I think and read, the more I realize that I know so little about it and I will have so much to learn AND it will all be learning on the job. As I understand, now it's the easiest time - when she is so small and innocent. 

The real stuff, the challenging moments will begin around the age of two and will never stop from then on. 

As a respond to my maternal concerns, a friend of mine sent me an article from a Polish life-style magazine "Zwierciadlo". I found it interesting and decided to translate it for those who don't speak Polish and read my blog. I hope you will find it as informative and though-provoking as I do.

The link to the Polish version is here: http://zwierciadlo.pl/parenting/wychowanie-dziecko/matka-i-corka-dajesz-tyle-ile-dostalas

Below my surely imperfect rendition.

Mother and Daughter: What You Give Is What You Got

Surely, an adult daughter can try to rebuild a relationship with her mother - says dr Ewa Wodyllo- Osiatynska. But what if the mother doesn't want the same? - asks Joanna Olekszyk.

Having read the letters delivered to the"Sens" magazine, it seems that the mother-daughter relationship generates only problems. 

Because it's true.  Surely one has to be careful with generalizations but there are more emotional and relational issues between kids and mothers than between kids and fathers. More often than not, the father keeps a bigger distance with the children, he is more involved with the outside world. With the rare  exceptions of those women who work in business, mothers are usually focused on the family and offspring. Because they are closer with them, the tension and conflicts are more often. It's worth pointing out that because of a very specific relationship between the son and the mother, even the overprotecting one, conflicts between sons and mothers are never as intense as they are between overprotective mothers and their daughters. What is even more interesting, these conflicts usually emerge when the son starts his own family. Even then, though,  it's not him who has issues with the mother but his wife who might not cope well with the in-law.

Are then same sex relations more difficult?

Because of the same sex in the mother-daughter relationship, at a certain point the daughter will identify with the mother.  For the healthy development of the self in the daughter, however, she will have to separate from the mother and become and individual. In other words, at first a daughter merges with the mother but later she opposes her in order to find out who she really is. It's such a strong relationship that the daughter's identity is intertwined with the image of her mother. Very often as well, this identification with the mother leads to subconscious competition between the two. It's not a competition to win but to psychologically dominate the opponent. The mother and daughter may be connected through their sex but they are also divided by the generation gap. What the mother thinks and experiences is rooted in the past as opposed to her daughter who relates to the present. I will use the example of the washing machine: our grandmothers washed in hands, our mothers used wringer washers but we wash our clothes in automatic washing machines. Washing is still washing but we do it differently. Methods don't create as many conflicts though as feelings do.

To be continued....

I'm going to sleep now.

My head is going to explode in a second from the number of questions I have about the topic. I will go and enjoy the still conflictless nature of my relationship with Helena and the fact that she still hasn't got any teeth. Neither will last forever.