In and Out

I wrote once about sitting still and doing nothing at difficult time
s but riding the wave. I should be going back to that post more often and not allow myself to be tormented by people and circumnsqtances.
Especially now when Helena is here and the energies should be saved for her. So no more. No more obsessing about Gaelle, no more snooping, no more, no more, no more. I want peace. Yes, I will not allow her anywhere close Helena for the time being. I'm not sure if that has ever been Olivier's intention to introduce us or Helena to Gaelle but in case such an idea has been around: I say no to it already loud and clear. No and no!!! I'm still hurt and angry and it will take time. Breath in and out.

First step: keeping distance and not allowing anyone to disturb me any more.  Or Helena for that matter.

Breath in and out.
No more negativity. Breath in and out.
I have the most beautiful girl in the world. Breath in and out.

Of course, in February I will have to revisit my thinking. I know it'll hurt when they meet in Vietnam but I will breath then and try to remember about what is really important. Breath in and out. And important is to be stable and positive for Helena and not to creat images in my head. Breath in and out. Important is my peace and it's been too long I've been restless. Breath in and out.

I still dislike you, French woman. Breath in and out. But even this seems already so stupid when I look at Helena. In and out... breath. Upppsss, I'm doing it again! Breath in and out. I dislike you because you tried to hurt me hoping that it'll get a man. You were ready to meet me and threaten me. But you know what? This is nothing in fact, I have something you will never have and I will smile from now on when thinking about it. I have something than is more than you can even think about. Breath in and out and I'm almost done.

This triangle of emotional torture has to be broken somewhere. This is tiring and unhealthy. I need to break it and stop it and move on and just let things happen. Breath in and out. Only I can do it. Only I can bring back peace in my heart. Breath in and out.

I am in charge of my own emotions and reactions. Breath in and out. I am in charge of my life. I am in charge of my heart. I know better. I've been through storms, ups and downs and I know what not to do to emerge stronger on the other side.

I still love him. But I can love him until forever and my job now is to let him go. So go, go, Olivier. Go and find fulfillment and happiness wherever they are. Go and be happy, go and find peace. If not by my side... I will get over it. I will sit still and get over  it. Now I need peace, I need clear mind and space in my heart for Helena and a man who will stay and who will love me and Helena for who we are without us trying to win this love and competing for it with other people.

Breath in and out.

Good morning from Phuket.