Translate

22.12.2015

Happy Chrsistmas. Our Holidays

On Monday we arrived in Phuket. It was Helen'as first flight and she handled it very well: very few cies, eating and sleeping all the way through. It was a very short flight, nevertheless for Little Helena it seemed to be exhausting enough to sleep almost the whole day in. And we allowed her this: we tune in her needs and take it very, very easy. 

We saw my cousin yesterday with her Family: Helena met her little cousins Della and Oskar who is a week younger than her and the whole day went by in a friendly and very familial atmosphere. We are going back to Magda's today to do some Christmas cooking - tomorrow we will celebrate out reunion and celebrate life and happiness. 

Olivier is here as well. 

We are doing a good job with Helena and while I'm still questioning the character of this relationship we are having, I like it very much that he is with us and helps looking after Helena with so much love and care. They are wonderful together and I can't get enough of watching their duet. I'm there as well, with them: in the pool, in the shower, in the bath. One would think we are one happy family. We are trying to be united for Helena. I'm not always pleased but I take it as it is. We spoke about it the other day, I vented my worries, I vented my jealousy about this other woman and I'm feeling better. Nothing's changed but at least I can talk about it all without feeling silly and being rejected. Rather, I'm being understood, I think... Well, for now at least it is fine. I still hate when Olivier talks to her and probably will hate it for a long time - yet another time I was explained the character of their relationship and it feels a bit better knowing that I am not the only one who is struggling with the situation. Seems like the woman in Paris has also some problems with understanding that he wants to stay alone for the time being and if anything, he wants to have fun and play around with ladies. Each for themselves.  I'm trying to make peace with it and give him as much freedom as I can and honour that he is a seperate human being and we might not have the same ideas. We have Helena togther, we will rty to respect each other but that's it for now. I want to hear it and I want to internalize it and not to be this woaman who moans and chases the man. It will take time and practice but I'm sure one day I will wake up and feel that it is gone and I am ready to move on. This is what I with for myself this Christmas - to move one and make peace, and look into the future with trust and hope.

As I'm writing this Helena is sleeping with her dad's arms and it's the most wonderful thing to watch. All is quiet and peaceful. He loves her and she is learning to love him. I love her. And I'm learnig how to love him but in a different than a romantic way. We are love and I want it to stay like this. Today is good. Today is peaceful and I want this peace to stay with us this Christmas. 

Merry Christmas my dear readers whoever you are. Thank you for following what I'm writing here and thank you for all your warm thoughts and fingers crossed for the success of Helena and I. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy Christmas!!!



Brak komentarzy:

Prześlij komentarz