Defending Myself

No tears today. 
No panic attacks. 
No nothing.

Just a thought that a man wanted to make me believe that I cannot do it.  A thought that he tried to be so hurtful as to use all my sensitive spots to make me not have this child. From: "you will lose everything you have been working for" to "if you try any legal demends, I wil do everything to get this child from you. I have a new girlfriend and she knows about everything. I will fight with you. You have nothing and I have a job, an apartment and a relationship which you will never have being a single mother. Your family situation is bad... I will do everything to get the full custody over this child if you try to get any child support from me." I will keep this email forever so that I remember that once there was somebody who tried to undermine all my self-confidence and trust in myself. I almost believed him but there was this little voice in my head who was telling me that all these hurtful words and just spells ment to make me even more scared and that I should not listen to them. 

I'm glad I didn't. And though I still don't know what will happen to me, though I'm still not sure where I will be in few months time, thoughtit's difficult to chill out, sit back and savour the beauty (sic!) of pregnancy, I believe that I defended something more important than anything else: my integrity, or what was left of it at that time. 

I'm off to sleep. I'm planning to dream beautiful dreams of me and my child being happy and in peace with each other and with the world. 

I don't need to have all the answers today.

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