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28.03.2015

Few Last Days

What a great experience it was!!! I am so happy: not only did I spend four days in participating in a very well-organized and informative conference, but also I reminded myself how beautiful Malaysia is and how much I miss going to the beach.

I didn't rest during those days. The sessions were quite intense and loaded with new information I tried to absorb and remember to take with me to the classroom. I take some time to revise my own teaching practice: I realize that though I know a little bit about teaching, there is still heaps to learn and there were moments when I thought that I should tell my boss to fire me... because I know nothing. But maybe not entirely... There is always space for improvement - no matter how long one has spent in the profession. I'm happy to learn and implement changes. So, I'm going back home ready to reorganize my teaching and hold myself more accountable. 

Naturally, I've been thinking a lot about what is about to come for me and how that will impact my life. I have two options: I can either declare that my life is over or I can decide that I will make the most of whatever I have. The second proposition seems to be more appealing. So, I will try and make best out of it. A day at a time. I'm not giving up. Yes, it's not ideal and yes, I wish it were different. I wish I had a loving partner who would be there for me and massage my back when it starts to hurt but that is not going to happen. Move on.

It's all about the mind set. I either might see the end or the beginning. I choose to see the beginning. I am scared. But I still choose to see the beginning of a journey in which I will discover things I haven't known existed. Am I ready? No! Would I ever be? I don't know. Nobody knows what the future holds. I can plan as much as I want but certain things just happen. Yes, unplanned pregnancy was within my control. Yes. But I have a friend who was on a pill and got pregnant nevertheless. She didn't keep the baby. I still would, I think. I would just think that I'd done everything to protect myself and it didn't work, I would have an excuse as oppose to now - when I think it's my own fault that I was not careful enough...  I don't think Olivier would have behaved differently this way or another. His right. But he will have a child even if he is trying to deny the fact. He doesn't wan to be in touch with us, it doesn't change the fact that it is still his child.

I'm on my way home now. Still in Malaysia, soon back in Bangkok, back to school, back to life. 
I'm grateful for this experience and the time I was given to think about my teaching and life, and the future. 

 



 
 

 









 




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