Becasue I have no idea whet else I should do, I am vowing now that for the rest of the week I'm giving myself a break and I will not do the following:
1. I will not listen to any more posdcast, radio programmes nor will I read anything more about sinle parenting or abortion.
2. I will not beat myself up and call myself 'stupid' for making a decision of having a child by myself. I will forget till the end of the week how difficult it will be.
3. I will not fall asleep and wake up in tears.
Instead I will:
1. I will try to sleep normal hours, just like used to.
2. I willl try to be my best friend and give myslef a big hug before faling alseep.
3. I will go back to the gym and in the pool.
4. I will read and listen to things that give me pleasure and comfort and not induce more panic and dread.
5. I will think of my child who is there and who is growing and imagine that we can make it and we will be fine. I will imagine that I am a good mom. I will imagine us on a sunny day by the sea building sand castles or in a park kicking a ball.
6. I will breath and will be aware of this breathing so that it takes me back to the now and not allow me to get lost in the future, which can be anything.
7. I will eat well and mindfully too.
8. And finally, slowly but surely, I will learn the language of Olivier, the father, so one day, when the time comes, we can meet again and I can face him in French. Apart from that, French is a beautiful language.
Of course, hormones are difficult to control, so it all might not work at all but al least I will try.