Olivier S., Paris

I think of you sometimes, Olivier S. I'm trying to understand your logic and that you don't want to have a baby now, with me, that you don't want to know me, that you think I'd ruin your life and that I'm keeping this child for the money. I can try to understand those imaginary arguments you are feeding yourself with . I'm really trying to see your point of view.

But what I cannot understand and forgive you is that you are a liar. That your words and promises turned out empty. That you had said you were one person and turned out to be somebody completely different. That one day you offered me the world and the next day none of this was true and on top of that you tried to make me feel stupid that I'd believed in all that. 

And why I should not have believed? 

Why I should not have believed when you were offering me a life in Paris? Why I should not have believed you when you were looking for universities for me to study at? When you were saying that you will support me and give me a job so that I can study French? Why should I have not believed that? Why should I have not believed you when you were saying that you were happy? Why not? 

I did believe in every word you said to me. Each and every word. I was not aware that you would ever be able to hurt me. All these conversations we had about the past, the present... Little did I know that soon you will throw all mt biggest fears at me in order to rescue yourself. This I will never forgive you.

Remember how supportive you were of me learning French? I am  and I'm making a very good progress. In the future I won't have to use a translator.